Stupid Poses: Hakuna Matata

The Red Carpet at the 65th Locarno Film Festival Red Carpet

Somebody call the COPS!!!!

This homely family was kidnapped at gunpoint on their way to a church picnic and forced to walk a red carpet, strike a stupid pose and smile for the cameras all while they were seconds away from being mauled by a gigantic, photo-bombing tiger lunging head-first for Baby Jake! Help!! This is bullsh–

Oh… wait. We’re going over our notes…

Okay, so it appears these homely people are actually…  the stars of the film Lore…  and they’re attending the Life Achievement Awards in Locarno, Switzerland. And the tiger… isn’t real. Damn.

What the hell goes on at Red Carpets in Switzerland? THIS is what they call Red Carpet glamour? No offense to the actors in the photo (we’re sure they did a fine job in their movie) but these folks look like the European version of the Duggar Family (with less fashion sense and less pizzazz, if that’s possible) — imagine the Duggars at the Oscars:

The Duggar Family (tiger not included) (photo credit:

Forget about the non-glam, uber-Nordic actors. The real star of this Red Carpet photo op is the tiger in the backdrop.  He’s badass. We took a vote and we’ve decided we want to be that tiger in our  next lifetime. We also would like a tiger, a bear, an alligator and a shark to make similar appearances on Red Carpets here in America at the Golden Globes, The Oscars and The Grammys where, right after the celebrities finishes their red carpet photo ops and interviews, the beasts would magically come to life and eat them, then do their OWN red carpet photo ops.  We’re working on it.

Here’s that Red Carpet badass tiger photo-bombing another celebrity:

Actor Alain Delon on the red carpet at the 65th Locarno Film Festival. (Photo Credit:  Getty Images, Photographer:  Vittorio Zunino Celotto)

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About Red Carpet Gods

We are saving the planet one red carpet at a time. No human being should be subjected to a celebrity’s awkward, “look-at-me-I’m-so-cool” crappy pose.
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